Why Tali Didn't Punch Rohan
by Cyrro
Summary: Rohan has been acting weird and Tali asks Fingal to find out what's going on in the ex-Enforcer's mind. One-Shot. Tali/Rohan


Rohan Death-Blade was acting strangely. Tali wouldn't have cared, except that it was interfering with his job. Frankly, Tali wouldn't have cared if Rohan had started sleeping on the roof of Summerfort every night if he still did his job properly. But no, Rohan was acting in a way that not only hindered his job, but everyone around him. As the new supreme commander of the Alban army, Tali felt it her duty to do something. But what was a warrior girl to do? She could hardly punish the former Enforcer for stumbling over his words, blushing whenever she caught him looking at her, dropping things frequently and staring off into nothing. Honestly, it was like Neryn all over again. But without the skinny, helpless 'I hate your guts, Tali' part.

Tali decided the best course of action would be to consult Fingal. After all, he brother understood how men's minds worked, being one himself. Plus, Fingal was a healer, and if Rohan's behaviour was a result of psychological damage caused by being an Enforcer, then Fingal would be able to tell. And they could get Rohan the help he needed. Tali had grown rather fond of Rohan and didn't want to lose him, so off she went to find her brother.

Tali went to the infirmary, knocked, entered. It wasn't overly busy. Toleg and Fingal were swapping Neryn-Training Stories.

"And then Neryn says, 'I'm a healer and I say he needs to _not be running up and down The Ladder with a sprained ankle!'_ " Fingal was saying. "And then she stares Tali dead in the eyes, which was hilarious, because Neryn is so tiny, and says with her hands on her hips, 'Do you wanna take this up with Regan?'

"And Tali's all like, 'If you weren't a Caller I'd throw you off that ledge at the top of The Ladder, you snippy upstart!'"

"And then the man started crying like a baby," continued Tali, conversationally. "And Neryn slapped me for making him cry, so I clocked her over the head as hard as I dared and left to avoid killing her."

"As hard as you dared?" Said Fingal, incredulous. "You gave her a concussion. I had to keep her in the infirmary for two days!"

Tali grinned sadistically. Then, remembering the purpose for her visit, she sobered up and said, "Fingal, I need to talk to you privately. It's somewhat important."

"Okay," said Fingal, putting down his bowl of smushed herbs. "Shall we go into the stillroom?"

"Yes, that would probably be best."

So into the still room they went. "So, what's this about?" asked Fingal. "You hardly ever talk to me in private."

"It's about Rohan," said Tali gravely. "His behaviour has become a hindrance and I need to know what's causing it."

"You've grown rather fond of Rohan haven't you?" said Fingal.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well if it was anyone else, you would've clocked them over the head and told them to sort themself out." Fingal leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. "Admit it, you've got a thing for him."

Tali sighed. "Alright, yes I have a thing for him, as you so eloquently put it. What of it?"

"Then start courting him, he's way too shy to admit he loves you." Fingal grinned at Tali's expression. "Go on, go find him and snog him. He'll probably faint, but oh well."

Tali glared good naturedly at her brother. "Do you know for a fact that he loves me?"

"Yes," grinned Fingal. "he was in here yesterday asking me if I could find out if you liked him enough to at least not kill him for his feelings for you." Fingal laughed. "He blushed every time he said your name, and almost fainted when I said I would talk to you about it."

"Let me guess," said Tali sceptically. "I made your job easier by coming to you about this."

Fingal laughed loudly. "Just go get yourself a boyfriend. And don't kill him when he faints."

Later that day, the soldiers on guard duty were treated to the rare sight of Rohan Death-Blade fainting dead away.

Tali had approached the poor man with a steely look on her face, drew him aside and said something to him in a hushed voice. The guards had exchanged a curious glance and went back to watching the scene unfold. Rohan had gone very red and stammered out something in an uncharacteristically small whisper. Tali had said something else.

 _Poor Rohan,_ thought one guard as Rohan fainted in response to what Tali had said. _That woman is scary. Why does he fancy her?_

Now, Tali was kneeling beside Rohan, pulling out some herbs or something and shoving them under Rohan's nose.

Rohan jolted awake. "What is that?" He demanded, loud enough for the guards to hear.

"Something Fingal gave me," replied Tali, her voice now easily heard by the guards. "He predicted you would faint."

Then the guards gasped and clapped their hands over their mouths, because Tali did something very un-Tali-like.

She grabbed Rohan by the front of his tunic and kissed him full on the lips.

Rohan promptly fainted again.

Tali sighed.


End file.
